Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
