My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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