another moral hangover. fuck.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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