It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
