we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
