Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize