Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
