I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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