On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
