PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
