i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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