I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
