If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
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