You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
