I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
did i walk over a car last night?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
