his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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