Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
