at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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