I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Pants are for mortals
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
