this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Randomize
