What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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