He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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