i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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