I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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