No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
