I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
