yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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