Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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