She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
