Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
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Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
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WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.