put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..