So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I feel like abortions should bother me more
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain