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Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
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