my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize