I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
