so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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