I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
