he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
