last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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