I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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