you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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