Don't you send me to vm
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
