You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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