at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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