The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
