i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
