I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
im six kinds of drunk right now
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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