My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I need to wash the frat house off of me
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
