I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Panties = found
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
