I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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