if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
