At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
