I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
