How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Randomize
