please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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