At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
