Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
