so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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