Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
