they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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