Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
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